There was a time I wanted to reach union with God. I aimed to be a saint, drove myself hard and suffered like one except I was no saint and it backfired. I drove myself almost to a physical breakdown. One day I realized I got it all wrong. I should aspire after wholeness as a person which is akin to holiness. And wholeness is a lifetime’s work. It worked better for me. I slowed, I ceased to concentrate on sufferings. I live my day as best as I am able to and concentrate on being happy.

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St. John of the Cross said we should not feel God is close when we enjoy graces at prayer nor that He is far when we are in dryness and not able to pray.

I interpret it as we should not think God is near in good times or that He is not near in bad times. Often He is nearer in hard times. And we should neither seek one nor the other but accept all that God gives us. Which today I interpret it as going with the flow.