12-31-11

Because it was so clear, I decided to write it down. For years I used to have a voice talking to me, but mentally. I made a point of not seeking it but hear it when I heard it. I tried to cultivate it and lost it instead. I did miss it a lot. It was nice having a voice telling me things and it was infallibly right. I will go into those later.

Instead of that clear voice, I would sense things instead when I look inside myself, it is mainly in feelings of negative or positive. Uncertain feeling in my chest means negative, a deep resonant feeling means positive.

At any rate. I was looking for a car and came close to buying a used Toyota Corolla.  A friend of mine suggested looking up a car posted on newspaper. It had 10,000 miles and asking 10,000. It was quite new too, and looked a good deal. I went and drove it and liked it. It felt heavier than the Toyota Corolla. A more comfortable ride after driving a Cadillac Sedan Deville for years. I made appointment with the young man to test it out by our car mechanic. It was all arranged, I was driving out of the driveway of the gas station where we met when an inner voice told me, “You do not want the car.”

I thought to myself, it is right, I do not want the car and knew I do not want it. I went back and told the young man I am not interested.  My friend, Jim, was not happy about it. He had been friend of ours for some years and wanted to help. He ran a car check and learned the car had been in accident three times, head on.  I went ahead and bought a brand new Honda Civic and love it. It is like a sprightly young thing compared to the gentleman of a car, Cadillac sedan deville.

Around this time, we had a vacancy at our duplex. I did what G. always did, rent it to the first person who wanted it. After weeks of bringing prospective tenants there and not getting it rented was getting to us also. So when this fast talking young woman came and talked me into renting the place to her, I reluctantly went ahead and signed the papers.

I was getting ready to drive away when my inner voice told me urgently to stop the car, turn around and get the lease back from the young woman. I went against it, it is too late anyway, she was not likely to give it back. I stepped on the gas pedal and drove him, gut sinking with unease. It was every bit true. The tenants did something to the gas making it so they did not have gas. To this day I wondered if they did the damage so they would live rent free claiming since there is no gas, they should not pay. It cost us $5000 to repair the gas line.

I was watching MSNBC afternoon show, something like unsolved mysteries when terror hit me. I felt enveloped in darkness and the inner voice told me urgently, “Accept Tim’s offer to  be manager. Just do it, do not think about it. If you do, you will retrack. You would not know it down but down the line, he will save you a lot of money.”

Tim had offered to be manager and I turned him down. I got on the phone and told him immediately I accept his offer. It was the best thing I could do. The tenants continued their trick of not wanting to pay rent. They actually talked too much and revealed their scam, doing work for rent and then disappear. Tim went after them and got them to pay not just rent but late fees which the young woman filled in for me. She thought I was easy and would never hold her up to it. She was right but Tim held them up to it. Two months of it and one day I learned from Tim – her boyfriend got arrested for shoplifting. Shortly after, they disappeared. Tim got it cleaned and rented it out to a nice young couple. I never forget that one, the nightmare and terror I went through.

I actually developed the sensing of positive and negative as a nun. Once I left, I let it go also. Years later, my sister, Elly asked me to pray for her son. I did not sense any urgency and told her he will be fine, he was. Shortly after, my sister, Susie, asked me to pray for her daughter. She was very troubled. I went to pray and saw lightness, brightness and clear air. I told her all would be fine and it was.

After a while I started hearing the inner voice. When Elizabeth Smart went missing, I told G. I do not know about later but right now, she is still alive and she was.

I fretted over my sister Roz’s diagnosis of cancer and remember the exact moment when the voice told me, “it is not cancer.” I was seated on the throne and was standing up when the voice told me that. The remarkable thing about the voice is – I remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when I heard it.

The second one concerned another sister diagnosed with thyroid cancer. That one was harder to read. I was walking down a path in front of our house, thinking on her when the voice told me, it would have been all right had she waited 6 months to get it seen to as the first specialist she saw advised. This could mean only two things to me, one, it would not have spread even after 6 months, the other, it is not cancer. I was sure it was the latter and pushed her hard to get her cold sections tested by someone outside the loop of the first diagnosis. It was said not to be cancerous.

Then my brother, he had a heart attack and might not made it through the night. I was googling when the voice told me, “He is not going to die, go to bed.” I tried to force myself to google some more. It was midnight and I was tired. I thought to myself, the voice said he is not going to die. I am going to bed. And he did not die.

What made G. a believer was when Sars was at its peak, the voice told me, “sars will be contained and will not make a comeback.” To say that when sars was at its peak was something else. But that voice was very clear. Months later, it was contained and did not make a comeback.

Though I miss losing that voice, I figured now my senses is more refined to where I am able to apply it to daily living which is more important than hearing such voices.

Another area I am good at is sensing people. One day I did a read of a pastor to another in a private confidential counseling session. It was a mistake. I must have been very accurate, the other pastor started warning me he is not perfect. I never sensed anything less than good in him. He cared about his parishioners and was very sincere and would do anything for them or anyone in need. Much later it came to me, I do not concentrate on negative traits of people unless it is bad vibes warning me of danger. I tend to see the positive traits and when I see negative traits dismiss it as – no one is perfect.

But when I start work, I must remember to keep quiet about this. It will make my fellow workers uneasy if they believe I see more than what is there. I do not, just the ordinary sense of intuition anyone could cultivate.