Sometimes I go all quiet inside. It is a strange mode, like something happening inside. It reminds me of what St. John of the Cross wrote – that sometimes God works in us without us being aware of it. We sense it only by the feeling, something is happening yet undefined.

….

My insides can be completely empty and blank. It gives me one advantage in studies. I am able to block everything out and visually see lab skills I have to perform in my cna training. At any rate, one morning when I was walking and sad, I felt like I could hear the sad bells tolling through my entire being, a long sad toll.

I do not mind sadness because sad I am still centered. I do not like bitterness. It eats me up. I avoid anything like jealousy or bitterness because they destroy.