I just discovered one way I have of loving myself, do not put myself to additional stress. I do not like suffering, stress is suffering. From a very young age, I knew I do not like suffering and as a result avoid sadness because sadness is suffering. Later, I found sadness is inevitable and not bad because one can suffer and still have peace in one’s soul. That it is bitterness which is bad. Bitterness tears into us and sour everything.

I still remember the moment when it came to me, like a dial, I am able to some extent, change the way I feel. I was in Form 4, on my bicycle, riding to school and turning round the corner of Sacred Heart school heading toward St. Elizabeth school when that thought came to me. I often remember that moment and adjust dial of my mood. Thich Nat Hanh’s half smile is the most effective for me.

There was a period of my life when things were very sad, sickness and dying in the family. I went for my walk every morning and I walked the park, I could feel the bells inside me tolling, mournful and sad. But there was peace inside of me. That was when I learned being sad is okay when I embrace it and accept it.