3-4-2018

As usual I did not feel anything on entering the room, and saw a woman on the bed. She was like any woman.

I introduced myself and pulled a chair to sit near her. I started meditating. I place my hand lightly against her body so she would know I was there. After a while, my mind told me, “you are with her, concentrate on her. You can pray for others outside of this shift but since you are with her, concentrate on her.” I did. After a while much to my surprise, her eyes opened slightly. I saw mostly white of her eyes.

She moved one hand, pressing one finger against the upper forehead, making a sound of distress. I moved closer and felt impelled to take her hand in my hand, leaning close to her.

I found myself watching her intently, as I stayed in meditative mode. She would breathe deeply, stopped breathing and that was when her eyes would open slightly. They remained shut when she was breathing loudly. I stayed close to her, feeling moved.

The nurse came in, I went to tell her that the patient appears in active dying mode, that she opened her eyes now and again. We heard a cry of distress. I quickly went to her, and this time held her hand in both hands. She opened her eyes wide and looked straight at me, yet her eyes were not focusing. I knew she was not able to see me. It was a long look, as she looked at me, I found tears running down my face. I was not crying. The tears simply rolled down my face. I comforted her. The nurse slipped quietly away. Her eyes closed and she started breathing again.

She would open her eyes a few times after that, her eyes looking upward, opaque, looking yet not seeing anything. With half hour left, I felt peace taking over. I knew then she was at peace. Though she opened her eyes slightly after that, she was no longer in distress. I stayed, 1 hour 45 mins with her and the time went very fast. I was like caught up in that space with her.

It was a unique experience. Later, I kept reliving that scene where she turned to look at me. Her eyes looking into mine yet they were opaque. I realized she knew I was there and was turning toward me. It was the only time she opened her eyes that wide. The rest of the time, it was a little, showing mostly white of her eyes.

I like to believe I am able to connect with them beyond time and space. With her, I almost believe I could and did.