My mother exposed me to something I never know before, delirium. She was at the hospital for five days and did not realize it till the 4th day. After that, she wanted to go home. The doctor refused to discharged her till the following day. To do it, I would have to force a discharge and their policy would be, we would have to leave with nothing, no medication and no durogesic patch to manage her pain. I thought I had talked her into accepting it.

Around 6 pm, she thought she saw my sister outside the door and called her urgently. I told her it is the nurse. She did not believe me. What followed was a difficult night. She called for my sister non stop and insisted on going home. Able to walk a few steps only, she sat on the floor and moved her bottom, by that means moving toward the door. She told me she was able to get to my sister’s car that way.

Both times the intern doctors helped me carried her back to her bed. Not wanting a repeat, I blocked her from getting off the bed. She begged me to help her get home. When I told her my sister does not drive at night, she begged me to get the taxi. I told her she could not go till the doctor allowed her to go but she was past reasoning.

She started calling out, “Lady, lent me a few dollars please so I can get a taxi.” And, “Towkay ah, towkay, help me please. Lend me a few dollars so I could get a taxi home.” And lamented agaiin and again, “Are there no kind people in this world? Why would nobody help me.”

She started banging at the bed frame. Hours of it without any let up, I decided to go fierce and see if I could gain control of her that way. Firm did not work, fierce did not work. I begged the young doctors to give her sedative. They reluctantly gave her a small dosage which failed to work and had the adverse reaction. It got her even more hyper.

She calmed down a few times only to start again. She would look like giving up, lay down on the bed and seconds later reared her head and started her cries all over again. She begged, pleaded, shouted in  English, Malay, Hokkien, Foochow. Her vocal cord was so strong, she was very loud. At one point, she ended up singing some hymns in Iban.

Some student nurses entered and not understanding what she was asking, – told her yes. She was very happy, they agreed to take her home. When she found it was not the case, she started again.

At around 2 am, she suddenly looked at me and asked me if I am Ah Gert. I told her yes, I am Ah Gert. She calmed down and told me I looked so like Ah Gert that I had to be her daughter. Her eyes wide with wonder she told me I am my twin whom she gave away at birth and would my sisters not be thrilled she found me. In vain did I tell her I am Ah Gert and there is no twin.

By 4 am, when she did not stop yelling for my sister at the top of her lungs, I called my sister. She agreed to come, The moment my mother heard that, she calmed down.

Later I realized all the while she was in delirium, unknown to me, she was travelling all over the place. She was in the jungle and saw some communists. She saw a stall selling cakes and told me to get some in the morning before sneaking away from the enemy. She was in a building and accidentally got locked inside. That was when she started banging on the bed frame, asking to be let out. She was in the street with no one around to help her.

I realized from her account, in a state of delirium, it would be like in a nightmare for us while for her, it was real and happening. All that time she was crying, yelling and hollering, she was suffering. I shared that with my sisters.

One of my sisters had said it is merciful if she gets dementia. She would not know anything and hence would not suffer. I discovered from my mother when dementia patients started losing their minds, they are aware of it and it is terrifying. My mother told me it was like there is a black hole in her mind and she was falling into it.

Once she got out of it, she would ask me if she was going crazy. I could see the terror, the fear in her. I remember how it was when I found out George had Als and until I read about others having it, felt he was the only one with Als. Getting into contact with Als patients and their families on Als forum had helped me immensely. He was not alone, there are others like him. I told her – she was sick and elderly people when sick could get into delirium. I told her there are many that way and she is not alone. It appeared to help her some.

For me, that night was eye opening. I was with her and unbeknown to me, she was traveling all over in her mind and really believing it. My sisters found the information most helpful also if not sad. It makes me look at patients with dementia in different light today.