I am no stranger to nursing homes. When I first came here in 1986, I was full of desire to do something for God and so I volunteered my services at Villa Maria Geriactric center. Sr. Pat was only too happy to accept me. I had one condition, I wanted to visit with patients only. In my mind, they are able to hire workers to lay the tables etc but they would not hire anyone to talk to residents. I wanted to visit those residents who had no one visiting and are lonely.

My first day there, on entering the main room, I almost beat a fast exit as the smells hit my nostrils. Undeterred, I went in and started visiting with patients. After a few days, I did not even notice the smell. With time, something happened, I found the residents beautiful. I knew it was something special when I was able to go beyond physical appearances and find them beautiful.

There was a man, big size and always in a wheelchair who was always crying, “When we are young, people love us, when we are old, nobody loves us anymore.” He told me he played in a band when he was young. He sang daily, breaking off in tears every time.

There was another resident who was angry, “‘Spend all your money,” she advised me, “I saved and saved and what happens, they take it all.” New to the country, I was beginning to learn something about insurance and nursing home insurance. One resident had it, her stay paid for by insurance.

A resident, I will call Marge, always give me a soft kiss on the forehead and tells me I am beautiful. She was a lovely gentle soul. Later I learned, she fell on her face and died of heart attack. I was sorry to hear of it. She was able to walk and slowly on a cane when I saw her.

There was a man also who came daily to visit his wife, suffering from Alzheimer. He fed her patiently.  A young man, ken, was disabled and staying there full time. Unfailingly, he had a letter pad with him and asked me to write while he dictated love letters, most of them to nurses there. He talked with great difficulty, saliva drooling. The nurses would snicker behind me as I wrote for him. I sensed they were laughing at me for being such an easy target for him. I ignored them and did write quite a few pages for him.

There were many others I remember. So many years had passed and still l remember them.

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I was reminded of them when I went to a nursing home for our clinicals during our caregiver training. There were seven of us from our class. No stranger to nursing homes, I fit in easily. We were there eight Saturdays only and in that short period of time, I connected with a number of residents.

To make it easier, I will use fictitious names with them. Diane loved to watch birds from her window. Her husband bought a feeding tube for the birds. I watched them with her as she described all the birds to me. She looked the farm type, her husband was a truck driver. Faithfully, every night after work, he would bring dinner his mother cooked and they ate it together. She was the serious type, down to earth with a tender soul for her fellow residents. At the dining room, she would always send me to those she saw needed help.

One of them was Helen, Helen was big and boisterous with a sharp tongue. I did not know what to make of her until we connected and then she was most fun. She talked and joked a lot in a loud voice. One day I commented on her always up spirits, she responded, “One has to make the best of it or be miserable in this place.”

Another resident making the best of it was Jeff. He was a medium size black man in a wheel chair, an easy smile on a sad troubled face. He was a welcome sight for many. Being a student, I had to get records of blood pressure and went after him. “Jeff, since you are so nice, would you do me a favor?” I asked.

What sort of kinky thing is that? He joked.

“Would you let me take your blood pressure?” I asked.

He held out his arm and told me to go ahead. I caught him almost every time I was there. The last time I saw him, he was sad. He was leaving that Sunday and he did not feel ready for it. But his insurance stopped paying and he had to leave. Later, we heard he died of heart attack a week after he left. We were very sad. All of us were very fond of him.

Bibiana always wore a hat with big earrings. She had a cup full of them. I told her they were very pretty and she was very pleased. She wore a different one each time. She taught me a trick also. I was putting lipstick on her lips when she directed me to smear some on her cheeks and rubbed it. It did serve as rouge.

A CNA teased Clare and called her the queen. She looked it. She came from New York and dressed with class and money. She was very independant and insisted on doing as much as she was able to. She had a boyfriend there, they sit together at the dining table. Romance at nursing homes; residents with jest with life, happy instead of being miserable and they were a few of these.

Dora was another story. She looked very unhappy. Her daughters put her there and left her there. She confided in me that none of the cnas like her, she does the opposite of what they want her to do. A silent rebellion.

The resident that stood out for me among them all was a slight woman. She was fairly independant and able to wheel herself around. She was reading a thick book when I saw her and was so  gentle. I felt drawn to her instantly and she to me. She told me she enjoyed meeting us students and especially one like me. I thanked her for it.

Mr. Wong had a stroke and was not able to speak. His family came every day bringing him lunch. I usually shake his hand and that was our way of communicating. I would then proceed to make his bed. Next to his room was a room with two Japanese women. The taller one was very protective of her roommate, who was always reading thick heavy novels and looked like an absent minded professor. No wonder she was so concerned and always looking out for her.

I learned how important mandarin was one day when the cna wanted to verify if a Chinese woman resident had her shower the day before. He tried and tried and got no where with her son. I went in and with my basic knowledge of mandarin asked him and learned she had taken her bath. An hour later, he came after me and told me how great it was someone could speak mandarin. He told me the TV in his mother’s room was not working right. I checked it out and inform maintenance who took care of it for them. The incident spurred me on to learn more words in mandarin.