I often see her one minute laying on the table head up, the next lowering her head and she was gone.

She never liked the stairs of our new house. It was too steep for her and she had arthritis from when she was six weeks old. The first time she could not climb stairs, I was near tears and phoned a friend who came with her husband. One look at them and she ran up the stairs. Another year the weather was cool and she decided to stay in the yard. It was very hard for me. I missed her in the house. The following year once winter came round I expected the same but no, she climbed stairs all through that winter.

The rest of the year I had a hard time daily coaxing her to climb. She would come downstairs twice a day only, in the morning and evening for her walk, and her calls of nature. This year she decided she was not going to climb stairs ever again. She slept in the garage at night which again was very hard for me. I started keeping her company early evening, going upstairs to sleep. It was always hard for her and me going back upstairs, she was a wimp and did not like to be alone.

Then she stopped wanting to go for her morning walk. She had done it for years, however muggy the weather is. A few days before I put her down, she was limping more and more, walking painfully. I kept her on metacam, low dose metacam for years. The vet could never trace her problem, her X-rays all came out fine and was forced to treat her problem as arthritis.

I finally brought her to the vet, warning him ahead of time in a fax. When I brought her in, I was asked to sign the paper. I signed it and suddenly found it so unreal. I started crying unable to control the tears. When she was brought in, the vet saw my eyes swimming with tears and told me it is always hard. He asked me if I was sure. I told him yes.

He carried her, all of 96 pounds and put her on the table. And got ready the injection. I told him to look at her, she is so good about injection. He told me it will be very fast. It was. One minute she was laying there head up, the next she sink onto the table, her body softening, her head dropping. The vet told me, that was it, she was gone and told me I could stay as long as I need to.

I suddenly felt a great need for comfort. He seemed to sense it and gave me a warm hug of comfort. He left, I stood looking at Cassie. I lifted her head up, her eyes loll like in sleep. I thought I prefer to remember her as sleeping, not dead.

I walked out and handed my credit card over to the cashier. “No charge,” – she told me, “The doctor said no charge.” I could not believe it, that a vet could be that kind. I thanked her and stumbled out.

G. just pulled up with the car. I opened the door, got inside and howled, “she is gone,” I told him, and continued howling with the loss. I could not believe she was gone. I let it all out and continued crying. G. could not believe it, that I was crying that way for her. Why not? I am crying now as I write this. She was my friend, my pal. I loved her so so much. Toward the end I almost could not keep my hands off her. I saw her and I would grab her and hugged her.